Wednesday: I’m writing this on Wednesday because I feel bad and I don’t know why. I am on the verge of having 5 and a half days off and they will be filled with wonderful things like hiking, biking, rock climbing and the peak of fall colors in the Adirondack mountains. So why do I feel like this? Why do I feel overwhelmed instead of overjoyed? Why do I feel anxious instead of excited? Does anyone else ever feel that way? Like your signals are crossed and causing the wrong feelings?
Thursday: I got out of work at noon and ate lunch and walked the dog and packed for the days ahead. I left for Ithaca at 2:30 and followed the road I am coming to know well but not liking any better. All things become easier with repetition and I hope this will too. The gym was mostly empty when I arrived and full of a peculiar wan sunlight that felt like napping in the sunshine on a cold winter day. I took my sport lead climbing test right away, and passed but didn’t feel that good about it. When the test is over I wonder if this is what has been bothering me. If this worry is what was keeping me from joy. I did the evening shift at the rock climbing gym and taught a belay class and loved every moment of it, then I drove home late and in the dark, but free. Free to feel excited about the days ahead. Free to let go of the fear that has been holding on to me the past few days. The test is done. Work is done. Time to get to the business of living.
Friday: I wonder what it feels like to not be in a rush. I have a mantra I say to myself sometimes when I am feeling harried: “I am not in a hurry. I have no reason to rush. I have plenty of time.” Maybe someday I will believe it. We had a slow start to the day but I tried to just be ok with it. We got on the road eventually and made it safely to the Keene in the Adirondacks and I can’t ask for more than that. We had a few quiet hours to unpack and eat dinner before our friends arrived and we had a campfire and stayed up too late.
Saturday: Have you heard of rail bikes? Rail bikes are great and we took Revolutionary Rail out of North Creek for 7 miles of round trip pedalling. It was cool but not cold and beautiful. Just make sure to book well ahead of time if you want to go.
Sunday: FINALLY my high peak hiking day. I got up early and a friend dropped me off at the trail head because I was worried about the parking situation. Apparently I didn’t need to worry though, there were still plenty of spots at sunrise. I did Porter and Cascade this time. 6 miles round trip and almost exactly four hours of hiking. I was back in time for lunch just as everyone else was beginning to stir for the day and felt wonderful. After I had cleaned up and eaten my way through all of the calories I had just burned off we went to Whiteface Mountain and took the Gondola ski lift to the top of little Whiteface. It was busy but not uncomfortably so and the colors of the leaves on the way up were spectacular. My heart ached to think about leaving tomorrow
